On Tuesdays I hold gun, you hold bullets. Tomorrow, I wear flip, you wear flop. (when life gives you Lymans)

October 2022

“Vladimir Putin forced four regions of occupied eastern Ukraine to hold sham votes. On Friday, Putin announced in a speech that Russia would officially annex the regions. Congratulations, guys! You’re now a part of Russia, so you can enjoy Russia’s national pastime: fleeing Russia.” —Stephen Colbert

“In his speech, Putin called Russia a great millennial power. Oh, Russia is a total millennial. They’re depressed, they’re spiraling into debt, and they love avocado toast, which in Russia … is potato.” —Stephen Colbert

“Putin also boasted that people in the territories would ‘become our citizens forever’. That’s right, forever! Or several minutes, whichever comes first, because while Putin was declaring victory, Ukrainian forces were retaking the city of Lyman. It’s just like the old saying: when life gives you Lymans, Ukrainian forces will crush you and take them back within 24 hours.” —Stephen Colbert

“There’s a technical reason the Russian army is getting its ass kicked: it sucks. According to one Ukrainian commander, Russian troops he’s faced have worn flip-flops and sharing guns. [Colbert broke out his Russian parody accent]: ‘Sergei, Sergei, we discussed this! On Tuesdays I hold gun, you hold bullets. Tomorrow, I wear flip, you wear flop.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”