It will make people think that all animals taste the same (a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside)

If you're watching a parade make sure you stand in one spot. Don’t follow it, it never changes. If you don’t like the parade run in the opposite direction. You will fast forward the parade. —Mitch Hedberg

I can’t wait till my show is over because I have a roll of Lifesavers in my pocket and pineapple is next. —Mitch Hedberg

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same. —Mitch Hedberg

I think Bigfoot is blurry that's the problem, it's not the photographer’s fault. Bigfoot is blurry and that's extra scary to me because there's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. —Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”