Every one of my chakras wants you in jail (unscruper scooper)

May 2021

“All lack of facts aside, insiders have said that investigators are looking into whether the stated value of properties owned by former president Trump were manipulated in a way that defrauded banks and insurance companies, and if any tax benefits were obtained illegally through unscrupulous asset valuation. Well, of course they’re unscrupulous. This man has never scruped. Investigators better bring an unscruper scooper.” —Stephen Colbert

“Now, it’s no surprise the formation of this grand jury did not sit well with Clownigula. He put out a long internet post calling the investigation ‘a witch hunt’ that was ‘purely political.’ Not purely — it’s also emotional and spiritual. Every one of my chakras wants you in jail.” —Stephen Colbert

“But how can he say it’s political when he’s no longer in politics? Well, according to Politico, simple: float another run for president. Besides, as one aide put it, ‘He’s missing being president terribly.’ It makes sense: He did spend four years being president terribly.” —Stephen Colbert

“In other news, 127 days into his presidency, so far Joe Biden has been driving exactly as you’d expect a 78-year-old: slowly, with his left turn signal on the whole time. But that could all come to an end thanks to an explosive, behind-the-curtains look at the Biden presidency in the Washington Post this week. The non-exposé found that Biden’s preferred lunch is a soup and salad – usually a chopped one, with grilled chicken – and that he’s partial to orange Gatorade and Coke Zero. The Washington Post just broke the biggest story of the year: this president likes salad.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”