“The historic impeachment vote came only after six hours of debate on the House floor, which was a long time to let both sides repeat the same stuff they’ve been saying for months. And there were some interesting arguments made. Georgia Representative Barry Loudermilk, for example, used his minute to tell the House that ‘Pontius Pilate afforded more rights to Jesus than the Democrats have afforded this president.’ Really? You’re going to compare Donald Trump to Jesus Christ? May I remind you, Jesus never had to cut a check to keep Mary Magdalene quiet.” --Stephen Colbert
“Trump himself is reportedly upset by the news, as evidenced by a six-page screed sent to House speaker Nancy Pelosi on Tuesday, but an unnamed aide told the Washington Post that staffers aren’t too troubled by the vote: ‘We’ll just wake up on Thursday after this absurd impeachment vote and say, Well, that was quite a season three finale. What’s going to happen in season 4?’ Yes, exactly – the Trump presidency is just a TV show we all have to live through. I call it: The Worst Wing.” --Stephen Colbert
But, as upset as Trump sounds about his impeachment, his Republican minions in the House seemed even more angry, because they spent the day arguing on the Floor of the House and competing to see who could make impeachment sound the worst. Numerous inappropriate comparisons were made – one GOP congressman labeled Democrats ‘the Senator McCarthys of our time,’ another invoked Pearl Harbor, and of course Representative Loudermilk made his comments about the relative ease of Jesus’s persecution. Holy shit, did these guys just compare impeachment to Pearl Harbor and what happened to Jesus? Did they just Google bad things and click ‘I’m feeling lucky’– is that what happened?’ First of all, people actually died at Pearl Harbor – no one’s dying here. Secondly, Jesus was tortured and then nailed to the cross, that is way worse than what’s happening to Trump. And even if Trump was going to be put on the cross he’d never carry it himself – he’d probably put it in the back of a golf cart.” --Trevor Noah
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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