That’s right I do suck, but I also have a lot of free time (dizzy chicken with some mashed potatoes)

I think rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It's a strange piece of machinery. We will take the chicken, kill it, and impale it and then rotate it and I'll be damned if I'm not hungry. Because spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water. I like dizzy chicken with some mashed potatoes. --Mitch Hedberg

I work at this club in Nashville. I wasn't getting very many laughs so the club owner took me aside and said since I wasn’t getting many laughs I would have to vacuum the club after the show. It was embarrassing. So I told the next audience, “Hey you guys gotta start laughing, otherwise don’t drop anything.” --Mitch Hedberg

Some comedy clubs they have comment cards and those are rude. I don't like them. People write down what they thought of the show and sometimes people write negative things and that's not necessary. One card said, “Mitch Sucks!” And up above that comment is their name and address. That’s right I do suck, but I also have a lot of free time. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”