I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle (there ain't no way that's gonna hit him)

I don't own a cell phone or a pager I just hang around everyone I know all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me they just say Mitch and I say what and turn my head slightly. --Mitch Hedberg

I like an escalator man because the escalator cannot break it just becomes stairs. --Mitch Hedberg

I play golf I'm not very good at golf. I never got a hole-in-one. But I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell Four!, but I was too busy mumbling, “there ain't no way that's gonna hit him.” --Mitch Hedberg

I play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”