Why do we have to keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tide (None of this is Normal)

I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one so I got a cake. --Mitch Hedberg

I want to be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver. “Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we have to keep going in circles? Man, you really like Tide.” --Mitch Hedberg

If you are wearing a turtleneck and carrying a backpack, it’s like a weak midget trying to bring you down. --Mitch Hedberg

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for a doughnut man. I'll just give you the money,  you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just cannot imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”