"People in Alaska are looking forward to Sarah Palin's memoir. They're already calling it 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman
"But if you're interested, Sarah Palin will be at Barnes & Noble later this fall for a book shooting." --David Letterman
"Sarah Palin just finished writing her memoirs. And her publisher says -- this is a quote -- 'It's her words, her life and it's all there in full and fascinating detail.' Yeah, then he said, 'Or so I'm told. I wouldn't read this thing if you put a gun in my mouth.'" --Conan O'Brien
"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel

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