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Friday, June 2, 2017

Oh, war. It just God's way of teaching Americans geography



The onslaught in the caucus is centered around the disputed South Ossetia region on the border between the two countries. And while Russia claims they have ended military operations, Georgia claims the Russians have made further attacks in Abkhazia. Oh, war. It just God's way of teaching Americans geography." --Jon Stewart

"The presidential race has been rocked by the news that two years ago, John Edwards had an extramarital affair with campaign worker Rielle Hunter, who apparently caused a spike in his polling. Hunter produced campaign webisodes about Edwards, a bold idea in 2006. YouTube was brand new, and Edwards lit up cyberspace under the pseudonym 'Lonelyboy15.' 

But there's an even bigger scandal to this story [on screen: people questioning why the mainstream media ignored the John Edwards story for so long when the National Enquirer picked up on it in October 2007]. Exactly. This was reported in the National Enquirer last October. Why is the mainstream media ignoring the National Enquirer? I mean, look at the latest issue right here [on screen: Colbert holds up the latest cover of the National Enquirer, showing stories on 'plastic surgery shockers']. 

Why isn't the New York Times reporting on what happened to Madonna's face? Oh. Oh, girlfriend, no, no, no. Why didn't CNN pick up on this story on page five about Eva Longoria gaining weight in her attempts to get pregnant? By the way, confidential to Miss Longoria, if you're trying to get pregnant, I recommend making webisodes for John Edwards." --Stephen Colbert

 





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