free piece of cake (I said ‘Tom Cruise.’)

Ted Cruz is actually being considered by Donald Trump to be attorney general. Though it will be pretty awkward when he shows up on his first day of work and Trump goes, “I said ‘Tom Cruise.’” –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden and Vice President-elect Mike Pence had lunch together. Pence was like, “I’m eager to discuss the issues facing our nation.” While Biden said, “If you tell the waiter it’s your birthday, you get a free piece of cake.” –Jimmy Fallon

Ricky Martin announced that he is engaged to his boyfriend, who happens to be Syrian. Ricky got down on one knee and said, “Will you help me make Donald Trump’s head explode?” –Jimmy Fallon