"After
a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the
Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the
Gulf Coast. They're hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim
Kardashian's next photo shoot." –Jimmy Fallon
"This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading
George W. Bush's new book '41.' Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram.
Then John McCain said 'You two are hilarious' responded by telegraph."
–Jimmy Fallon
"There are reports that leaders from ISIS and al-Qaida met
at a farm house in Syria last week, and agreed to work together against their
common enemies. That story again: Two radical terrorist groups managed to do
what two American political parties cannot." –Jimmy Fallon
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