"Congratulations, Congress! 77% disapproval rating! You
may be about to become the English language's most offensive C-word."
–John Oliver
"A high
school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when
students want to ask a question, they raise both hands." –Conan O'Brien
"Pope
Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay
priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those
shoes." –Conan O'Brien
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