"Russia also has the Winter Olympics, and that’s a big
mess too because, you know, Russia is really, really anti-gay. You know this?
Seriously, they said they would arrest any Olympic athletes for “promoting”
homosexuality. In a related story, figure skating has been canceled."
–Bill Maher
"All
our best to former President George W. Bush, who is recovering from successful
heart surgery today. All day the media have been sending get-well wishes to President
Bush. Fox News sent flowers. MSNBC sent a steak and cheese fries. " –Jay
Leno
"Photos
of the royal baby's birth certificate have surfaced. Kate's occupation on the
document is listed as 'princess.' It's always inspiring to me when a new mother
decides to remain in the workplace." –Conan O'Brien
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