Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile

"In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof."  –David Letterman 



"After Romney's horse finished 18th it refused to release its tax records." –David Letterman

"On Sunday, Mitt Romney chose Paul Ryan as his running mate. Forty-three percent of Americans have never heard of Ryan and the others thought he was the private that Tom Hanks brought home from Normandy." –Jimmy Kimmel



John Hulse painting

It was beat by a smooth-talking socialist horse from Kenya

"Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney's horse Rafalka did not advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by a smooth-talking socialist horse from Kenya." –Conan O'Brien 

"Mitt Romney is hoping to energize Republicans by announcing Paul Ryan as his running mate. Seriously? That's like trying to spice up a bowl of oatmeal with more oatmeal." –Jimmy Fallon



"During the announcement, Mitt Romney said that he and Paul Ryan are 'America's Comeback Team.' You know, as in 'come back in four years and try again.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

John Hulse painting

If there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold

"Mitt Romney is claiming he’s going to create 12 million jobs in his first term. But he hasn’t said yet if he’ll create them in China or India.” –Conan O'Brien



"The Romneys have a horse competing in the Olympics. Ann Romney's horse failed to win a medal in the dressage event today, which is a shame because if there's one thing that family needs, it's more gold." –Conan O'Brien



"Romney's Olympic horse is named Rafalco. She said I needed a silly name that no one's ever heard of before and Mitt was taken." –Conan O'Brien



John Hulse painting

1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die

"All in all a successful trip. Best of all, Romney has checked three countries off the list of '1000 Places To Offend People Before You Die.'" –Stephen Colbert



"Like Palin, Rafalca's female, also doesn't read newspapers, and has completed the same number of terms as governor." –Stephen Colbert, on Ann Romney's horse that competed in the Olympic Dressage event



"Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years." –Conan O'Brien 

John Hulse painting