He's going to stop making insensitive racial slurs and start focusing on beating the Redskins (one of them is Billy Joel)

Yesterday Dallas head coach Bill Parcells apologized for making an insensitive remark about Japanese people. In his apology Parcells said I'm going to stop making insensitive racial slurs and start focusing on beating the Redskins. --Conan O’Brien 6/8/2004

Despite record gas prices more than 36 million people are expected to hit the roads over Memorial Day weekend. 36 million people. The scary part is one of them is Billy Joel. --Conan O’Brien 5/28/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The one thing they both agreed on: no ceiling fans

Memorial Day weekend: the unofficial start of summer and the official start of people thinking they look good in shorts. –Jimmy Fallon

AAA reports that more than 38 million Americans will travel at least 50 miles from their home this weekend. The number of dads who actually will turn this car around: still zero. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump issued a statement saying he will not debate Bernie Sanders. For a while, it was looking like they were going to go ahead with it. They even started negotiating the rules. The one thing they both agreed on: no ceiling fans. –Jimmy Fallon