The world is in your hands (I have record-breaking humility)

The union for air traffic controllers is worried because their members are not getting enough sleep. Due to the shutdown, unpaid air traffic controllers are waiting tables and driving for Uber in the time left over from their 10 hour shifts. That’s dangerous! You don’t want burnt out air traffic controllers waiting tables. You could end up with onion rings instead of fries. --Stephen Colbert

It was an especially awkward moment, because Donald Trump was in town to tout the benefits of the Republican tax plan. And he knows exactly who deserves all the credit for the booming economy [clip of Trump]: "You know, you can work hard, but if you don't have the right leader setting the right tone, in all fairness — I am not even saying — I am NON-braggadocious.” [imitates Trump]: I do the most least amount of bragging anyone has ever seen. I have record-breaking humility. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess it’s because my dad used to beat me with a globe (a horrible gum accident.)

Every man wonders about his size right? Either when he’s lying alone at night or in a hammock with a monkey. So I was thinking, ‘Do I have a really small p*nis or do I just have gigantic legs?’ --Dave Attell

If a woman sees your p*nis for the first time and the first words out of her mouth are, “Awwwwwwww.” It’s time to buy a Corvette. --Dave Attell

Some women say it’s not the size of a man’s p*nis, but it’s how he uses it. What is this man doing with his magical p*nis? Is he building things and fighting terrorism? A gazebo? How did that get here? --Dave Attell

You know when you're young you think your dad's Superman and then you grow up and you realize he's just a drunk who wears a cape. --Dave Attell

I have shaved my pubic area. It was not because I wanted to. It was because I was involved in a horrible gum accident. --Dave Attell

I travel a lot, and I hate traveling. I guess it’s because my dad used to beat me with a globe. --Dave Attell

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”