I guess it’s because my dad used to beat me with a globe (a horrible gum accident.)

Every man wonders about his size right? Either when he’s lying alone at night or in a hammock with a monkey. So I was thinking, ‘Do I have a really small p*nis or do I just have gigantic legs?’ --Dave Attell

If a woman sees your p*nis for the first time and the first words out of her mouth are, “Awwwwwwww.” It’s time to buy a Corvette. --Dave Attell

Some women say it’s not the size of a man’s p*nis, but it’s how he uses it. What is this man doing with his magical p*nis? Is he building things and fighting terrorism? A gazebo? How did that get here? --Dave Attell

You know when you're young you think your dad's Superman and then you grow up and you realize he's just a drunk who wears a cape. --Dave Attell

I have shaved my pubic area. It was not because I wanted to. It was because I was involved in a horrible gum accident. --Dave Attell

I travel a lot, and I hate traveling. I guess it’s because my dad used to beat me with a globe. --Dave Attell

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”