Because nothing makes you look less guilty than giving all of your execs a getaway car and a hideout (how do I put this delicately)

December 2022

“In other news, former Capitol police officers who defended lawmakers during the January 6th insurrection received a Congressional Gold Medal on Tuesday. Several family members in attendance refused to shake hands with the GOP lawmakers Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy because, as one put it: ‘they’re just two-faced … I’m just tired of them standing there and saying how wonderful the Capitol police is and then they turn around and go down to Mar-a-Lago and kiss his ring.’ And by ring, of course, she means his … how do I put this delicately … butthole.” —Stephen Colbert

“And a jury in New York found two of Donald Trump’s companies guilty of 17 counts of tax fraud and other crimes. Oh Santa, you got my letter! I’ve never been more excited to talk about complex financial crimes. The verdict acknowledged a series of schemes that included under-the-table perks like luxury cars and free apartments. Because nothing makes you look less guilty than giving all of your execs a getaway car and a hideout.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was really just a potluck that got out of hand (Are we supposed to believe that was a coincidence?)

June 2022

“Members of The Late Show production team were detained while filming near the U.S. Capitol last week. My staff was in Washington to shoot Triumph the Insult Comic Dog interviewing members of Congress about the January 6th hearings. Triumph is a bipartisan puppy. He’s so neutral, he’s neutered. My staff were all detained, processed and released. A very unpleasant experience for my staff, a lot of paperwork for the Capitol Police, but a fairly simple story — until the next night, when a couple of the TV people started claiming that my puppet squad had committed insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building. This was first-degree puppetry; this was high jinks with intent to goof; misappropriation of an old Conan’ bit.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Capitol Police are much more cautious than they were, say, 18 months ago, and for a very good reason. If you don’t know what that reason is, I know what news network you watch.” —Stephen Colbert

“After all, Thursday night, the night they were detained, was the 50th anniversary of the Watergate break-in. Are we supposed to believe that was a coincidence? Yes.” —Stephen Colbert

“As the committee will detail, the Trump administration planned to send fake electors from the states Biden won to the declare themselves the ‘real’ electors, via false electoral college certificates. Did they really think that was going to work? Why not just have the former president show up to the inauguration in a rubber Joe Biden mask and try to fool Justice Roberts into swearing him in again?” —Stephen Colbert

“Trump also tried to downplay his failed coup, by referring to January 6th in his speech as a ‘simple protest that got out of hand’, and complained that people ignored ‘the size of the crowd – I believe that it was the largest number of people I’ve ever spoken to.’ Who cares about the size of the damn crowd! That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer saying ‘I know I murdered a bunch of people, but look how many leftovers I have. It was really just a potluck that got out of hand.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”