Especially because it conflicts with their middle school (The study’s goal was to end Ireland)

Lawyers for R. Kelly, who is being held without bail, are complaining
that the singer is only allowed to visit with one female at a time.
Especially because it conflicts with their middle school. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study suggests that fathers to be should stop drinking alcohol six
months before trying to conceive a child. The study’s goal was to end
Ireland. --Colin Jost, SNL

A new study found cats bond with people like dogs do but they are too
aloof to show it. Which is why I named my cat “Dad.” --Colin Jost, SNL

Two people in Michigan accidentally accessed the computer billboard along
a highway and changed a display to show a pornographic movie. As a result,
police say there were a record number of carjackings. --Michael Che, SNL

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”