"I love the springtime. It's a time of renewal when the old U.S. attorneys are plowed under ... and the new ones are beginning to sprout. It's a time when Rudy Giuliani picks out his Easter dress." --Bill Maher
"At a Washington museum, a new exhibit is about to open that features a first-grade report card of President Bush's where he received straight A's. This sounds impressive, but President Bush was 23 at the time." --Conan O'Brien
"The '08 presidential campaign is well underway. Country legend Merle Haggard has written a tribute song called 'Hillary' that is supportive of Hillary Clinton. Bill Clinton has also written a tribute song called 'Hillary,' but it's about Hillary Duff." --Conan O'Brien
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