Vladimir Putin is
scheduled to play an exhibition hockey game against former professional hockey
players. Putin is scheduled to win by 12 goals. –Conan O’Brien
New research
predicts that in 65 billion years, the moon will crash into the Earth. After
hearing this, half of America said, “Hey, can we move that up a bit? How about
Wednesday?” –Conan O’Brien
It is a holiday in
Boston because the quarterback for the New England Patriots, Tom Brady,
declared it a holiday. I did not know he had the power to do that. He gave
everyone the day off today. I don’t think the mayor’s even allowed to give
people — has an athlete ever overthrown a city government before? –Jimmy Kimmel
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