The rumor now is that there’s a Donald Trump sex tape (the front-runner is Kate Upton)

What an insane week this is. The Cubs may win the World Series, Donald Trump may be elected president, and the whitest man in America is on stage at the Apollo! It’s officially the end of days, ladies and gentlemen. This was prophesied in the Bible. –Conan O’Brien

The rumor now is that there’s a Donald Trump sex tape. Yes! In response, Trump is saying, “Vote for me or I’ll release it.” –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, in a speech, President Obama said that when voting, young men should look deep inside themselves. So, as of an hour ago, the front-runner is Kate Upton. –Conan O’Brien