Putin should be done with confession by sometime next fall

Vladimir Putin traveled to Italy to meet with Pope Francis yesterday. They say Putin should be done with confession by sometime next fall. —Jimmy Fallon 

According to a new survey, Lord Voldemort from “Harry Potter” actually has a higher favorability rating than most GOP presidential candidates. Or in other words, “He who must not be named” is more popular than “He whose name I forgot” and “What’s her face.” —Jimmy Fallon