Direct from the University of Shove It Up Your A**

"Donald Trump said he'd give $5 million to charity if President Obama released his college transcripts. Obama responded by sending Trump a full transcript from his alma mater, the University of Shove It Up Your Ass." –Conan O'Brien


 


"Earlier today, vice-presidential hopeful Paul Ryan gave a major policy address on poverty. We're still not sure whether he's for it or against it, but he was talking about poverty." –David Letterman 

"A source close to Mitt Romney revealed that he gets a spray tan before major campaign events. I guess that explains his new Secret Service code name: 'The Mittuation.'" –Jimmy Fallon



John Hulse painting