"A former U.S. Olympic swimmer in an interview said that nearly all elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool regularly. So apparently I am an elite competitive swimmer." –Conan O'Brien
"An American judo fighter was expelled from the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Officials became suspicious when he kept stopping the match and saying, 'What are we fighting for, man?'" –Conan O'Brien
"This crisis has pitted brother against lower cholesterol brother. It's like the Civil War, if you replace slavery with waffle fries." –Stephen Colbert on the Chick-Fil-A controversy
John Hulse painting
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