The park firmly stands against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small (OK, OK, it's pot)

The New York City Parks Department actually released a statement on the naked Trump statue after they took it down. This is completely real — they said, "New York City Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small." –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists have discovered a painkiller that will not cause addiction. When asked for details about this miracle drug, scientists said, "OK, OK, it’s pot." –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has been saying that Hillary Clinton looks unwell. Trump then admitted he thinks any woman over 35 looks like she’s dying. –Conan O’Brien

There are life-sized nude statues of Donald Trump

Congratulations to Team USA for winning over 100 medals! The most of any country, and my condolences to everyone who is behind them at airport security. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump's campaign chairman Paul Manafort was forced to resign on Friday following news that he had pro-Russian ties. Which really upset Trump, because he insists having all his ties made in China. –Jimmy Fallon

There are life-sized nude statues of Donald Trump. They showed up in cities across the country. You'd be walking in the park, and you see this statue. Forget building the wall, Trump should just put a bunch of those things at the border. –Jimmy Fallon