If you get it wrong, you were born here

"People say Herman Cain was rambling and embarrassed himself while trying to answer a question about Libya. Some say it proves he's not qualified to be president. But the good news is, rambling and embarrassing himself does qualify him to be vice president." –Jay Leno
 


"Herman Cain's only real foreign policy experience is from when he ran the National Restaurant Association and had to deal with the manager from the International House of Pancakes." –Jay Leno 



"People attending a Rick Perry event in New Hampshire had to prove they were American citizens. They asked a math or science question and if you get it wrong, you were born here." –Jay Leno 



John Hulse painting

Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?

"Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, 'Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?'" –David Letterman



"All Herman Cain's woman trouble started when he was head of the National Restaurant Association, the NRA. He has 3 women accusing him. I think it's like carry-on luggage. You should only be allowed 2." –David Letterman



"This week, Mitt Romney's campaign sent out automated phone calls saying that Rick Perry is too soft on immigration. Yeah, the call was like, 'For English, press one. Para Español, go talk to your buddy Rick Perry.'" –Jimmy Fallon

John Hulse painting

Does Rick Perry look like he's smart enough to think of something like that?

"Herman Cain's campaign is claiming Rick Perry is behind all the leaking of the sexual harassment claims. I don't know. Does Rick Perry look like he's smart enough to think of something like that?" –Jay Leno



"More problems for front runner Herman Cain; now a third woman has come forward and accused him of sexual harassment. Apparently when Cain was president of the Restaurant Association he thought women were on the menu. He didn't realize." –Jay Leno 



"Turns out 999 was just Cain’s rating system: she's a 9, she's a 9, she's a 9." –Jay Leno 



"Of course, Cain still doesn't get it. Like he said he will address all these charges at a press conference tomorrow at Hooters." –Jay Leno 

There is very little in the pizza world that is not sexually suggestive

"When Herman Cain was in charge of the National Restaurant Association, there were allegations of sexual harassment. They have revealed one came from Sara Lee." –David Letterman 


"In Herman Cain's defense, there is very little in the pizza world that is not sexually suggestive." –Jon Stewart


"President Obama had his physical today. His cholesterol is down, blood pressure down, approval rating down. He's fit and eats healthy food, and Fox News says that proves he's not an American." –David Letterman



John Hulse painting