An evil soufflé needs time to rise (macaca-ish)

"Last Sunday night '60 Minutes' aired a disturbing Mike Wallace interview with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I don't like '60 Minutes' talking to our enemies. Everyone knows Iran is going to be our next global nemesis. They need to be isolated like North Korea, so they have time to blossom into a full blown opponent. An evil soufflé needs time to rise." --Stephen Colbert

"Midterms are a few months away. The intensity is picking up. Republican Senator/possible '08 presidential candidate George Allen of Virginia campaigning hard. George Allen was pointing out that his opponent in the Senate race, James Webb had sent someone to videotape all of George Allen's appearances -- which is not a very nice thing to do because George Allen says some really stupid s---. Like, 'Let's all welcome macaca over here to America.' Although in Allen's defense, he didn't know that the gentleman was already a citizen and didn't need to be welcomed to America, or that his name wasn't 'macaca.' I think Allen just assumed the gentleman looked 'macaca-ish'." --Jon Stewart

Hey, why not? Bush missed it the first time (Oprah has spoken)

"A congressman from Florida, 52-year-old Mark Foley, resigned today because of questionable e-mails he wrote to a former male page. The page was 16-years-old at the time. Out of force of habit, the Catholic Church offered to move him to another parish." --Jay Leno

"In an interview with Mike Wallace about his new book, legendary Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward said that Henry Kissinger is now advising President Bush on Iraq, and they're trying to fight the Vietnam War all over again. Hey, why not? Bush missed it the first time." --Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, Oprah Winfrey said she wants Senator Barack Obama to be the next president. When Oprah heard that Obama doesn't want to be president, she parted the clouds and said, 'Oprah has spoken'." --Conan O'Brien