She’s blind, so he’s got a shot (Take your time — think back)

June 2022

“It’s a bit of a leading question. They followed up by asking, ‘Do you notice anyone that night who was maybe farting while leaking hair dye and ranting in front of a dildo shop? Anyone like that? Could be anyone. Take your time — think back.’” — Stephen Colbert, on Jason Miller’s being asked if anyone was drunk on election night.

“Let me help you out here. There are five levels of intoxication on the Rudy breathalyzer: over the legal limit, rooting around the dumpster for empties, rooting around in his pants in ‘Borat,’ planning coup in a blackout and ‘The Masked Singer.’” — Stephen Colbert

“Today was Episode 2 of the hot new reality show ‘The January 6th Committee Hearings.’ We’re all waiting to find out if the former president gets to go to the fantasy suite with Lady Justice. She’s blind, so he’s got a shot.” — Stephen Colbert

“Episode 1 was a huge hit, because at least 20 million people watched Thursday’s hearing. We were live, OK? That’s the kind of audience usually reserved for ‘Sunday Night Football.’ Makes sense because Thursday’s hearing featured even more guys with brain damage.” — Stephen Colbert

“During the Monday hearing, Liz Cheney said Trump ignored advisers who confirmed the 2020 election was over and instead followed the advice of an apparently inebriated Rudy Giuliani to pursue non-existent claims of election fraud. That raises an interesting question: how many of the former president’s terrible ideas came from an inebriated Rudy Giuliani? Could it be … all of them?” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drunk vampire, what do you think? (Parable of the Talents)

June 2022

“During the House committee hearing Monday on the January 6th assault on the Capitol, Jason Miller, former aide to Donald Trump, told the panel that Rudy Giuliani was “definitely intoxicated” on election night when he told the former president that the election had been stolen. You know, when you think about it, it makes sense that Trump would listen to a drunk person, because that’s the one time people probably sound like him.” —Trevor Noah

“So we’re just going to blame this entire thing on the alcohol?” —James Corden

“I can’t believe this. A drunk Rudy Giuliani told Trump to claim he won the election. And then he said, ‘I love you, man’ six times and dropped his phone in the toilet.” —James Corden

“They were all telling him, ‘You lost this election, sir,’ but Trump was like: ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Drunk vampire, what do you think?’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Meanwhile, the silence from the International Dog Federation is deafening (scratch and sniff)

March 2022

“There’s been some dark news lately, but every once in awhile, there’s a little gleam of sunshine in the world: a child’s smile, the first flower of spring, the January 6 committee laying out potential criminal charges against the former president. Turns out there is a chance that trying to violently overthrow our democracy might be illegal. The House select committee investigating the 6 January attack said in a major filing on Wednesday that it believed Donald Trump violated multiple federal laws to overturn the 2020 election. To paraphrase an idiot and his bloodthirsty mob: lock him up.” —Stephen Colbert

“The filing said that Jason Miller, Trump’s senior campaign adviser, told the committee in a deposition that Trump was well aware that his claims of a stolen election were false, because he had been told shortly after election day by a campaign data expert ‘in pretty blunt terms’ that he was going to lose. How blunt? Because if the message was delivered via anything more complicated than scratch and sniff, I don’t think it’s going to get through.” —Stephen Colbert

“And it’s not just business distancing themselves: I read that the International Cat Federation has banned Russian cats from all competition. I’m just going to go ahead and say that’s the biggest news that’s ever come out of the International Cat Federation. Meanwhile, the silence from the International Dog Federation is deafening.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”