Any more leaks, and we’re going to need WikiDepends (one arm’s length)

Every day, we get another revelation about Clinton from WikiLeaks. Any more, and we’re going to need WikiDepends. –Stephen Colbert

The latest is a list of the vice presidents Hillary Clinton was considering. It includes political superstars like Minnesota Senator Amy Klobuchar, and Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack. Also in this WikiLeaks-released list are business leaders like Apple CEO Tim Cook and Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz. Apparently, Hillary decided against Schultz because the race already had one pumpkin-spiced candidate. –Stephen Colbert

It’s been 11 days since we heard Donald Trump on the Grope-Town Express, and a lot of people have distanced themselves from Donald Trump — at least one arm’s length. –Stephen Colbert

Last night, Melania explained who she really blames for Donald Trump’s behavior. Yes, it was all Billy Bush’s fault. Now I know why they were on a bus — it’s easier to throw Billy underneath it. –Stephen Colbert

I saw Trump at Ann Taylor Loft yelling at a mannequin (full of same thing)

Donald Trump has just revealed that he’s not practicing for the upcoming debates in a “traditional” way, and has not been using a stand-in for Hillary. Which explains why today I saw Trump at Ann Taylor Loft yelling at a mannequin. “That sweater set isn’t very presidential! Sad!” –Jimmy Fallon

Today, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz said he’s endorsing Hillary Clinton for president. Well, actually what he said was, “I have an endorsement for . . . Hilarity? Is there a Hilarity here? Hillberry? Hill-am-bee?” –Jimmy Fallon

Jessica Alba’s Honest Company is selling “bipartisan diapers” featuring the Democratic donkey and Republican elephant holding hands. Because at the end of the day, both Republicans and Democrats are basically full of the same thing. –Jimmy Fallon