We don't give painkillers to our players. We give them to our fans (he had no idea he was playing golf)

"After Afghanistan, President Bush flew to India, where he was greeted by 10,000 angry protestors. As a result, most Americans spent all day on hold with computer problems."  --Conan O'Brien

In Florida, a 98-year-old man shot a hole-in-one. The 98-year-old was shocked, mostly because he had no idea he was playing golf. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said, 'We don't give painkillers to our players. We give them to our fans.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”