“No one wants eternal lockdowns. If I see another of my friends holding up a janky loaf of homemade bread on Instagram I’m going to run outside and lick a banister.” —Seth Meyers
“You think I don’t want things to open up? I used to do a show with multiple shirts and zero wasps. I worked in a building that had 50 lunch options. Now the only thing on the menu is whatever the boys don’t finish. … I used to have an audience of human beings who laughed at jokes. Now the only thing watching me are the dead black eyes of a stuffed elephant rocker.” —Seth Meyers
“After recently being given poll numbers that showed him trailing former Vice President Joe Biden, President Trump reportedly yelled at his campaign manager and threatened to sue him. Unfortunately, Trump’s lawyers already have their hands full suing his bathroom scale, his mirror and the passage of time.” —Seth Meyers
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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