“On my 11th day of physical distancing at home, I have been reading how Shakespeare and Sir Isaac Newton came up with some of their greatest ideas while under quarantine during the plague. That’s great – so far all I’ve discovered is you can slide a laundry basket down the stairs. But congratulations to them.” —Jimmy Kimmel
“Meanwhile, some of our thickest-headed politicians have been passing the time by spreading nonsense about the coronavirus – people like lieutenant governor of Texas Dan Patrick, who floated the idea that old people are willing to go to an early grave in order to help boost the stock market. Earlier this week, Patrick told the Fox News host Tucker Carlson that grandparents would be OK dying to protect the American economy. “If that’s the exchange, I’m all in,’ Patrick said. ‘And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that.’ No, it makes you an idiot. I shouldn’t say it makes you an idiot; it reveals to us that you are an idiot. Unfortunately, the lieutenant governor isn’t alone in this moronathon; the president of the United States also appears to be planting the seeds to a get back to work movement. During Trump’s press conference on Tuesday, he said the country will be up and running again by Easter. By Easter? That’s in two and a half weeks! Even Jesus is like, ‘Jesus! Calm down. Let’s think this through.’” —Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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