“I do want to give Donald Trump credit on a rare good decision: signing an executive order giving most federal employees a paid day off on Christmas Eve. (Colbert as Trump) You know, Christmas Eve is such an important day. And so busy – we all get visited by those three ghosts who make us watch poor people eat dinner, right?” --Stephen Colbert
“Meanwhile, 15 Democrats continue to campaign ‘to put coal in Trump’s stocking this year’, including the former vice-president Joe Biden, who just released his medical report. The public report says he’s a ‘healthy, vigorous, 77-year-old male, who is fit to successfully execute the duties of the presidency’, although he does have an irregular heartbeat – which means that on the plus side our next president might actually have a heart.” --Stephen Colbert
“Vice President Mike Pence appears to be having memory problems. Pence repeated, at least 5 separate times, the same joke about Democrats standing so far left that the stage would trip over. That’s what happens when they forget to reboot him.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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