[As Trump:] “Your spiteful actions display unfettered contempt for America’s founding, and your egregious conduct threatens to destroy that which our founders pledged their very lives to build. Yes, a nation built on the belief that powerful white men face no consequences whatsoever.” --Stephen Colbert
“Then Trump complained about how damaging impeachment has been to those he loves. [As Trump:] You do not know, nor do you care, the great damage and hurt you have inflicted upon wonderful and loving members of my family. You’ve hurt them all, from the innocent wife I cheated on with a porn star, to the poor kids whose mother I bailed on two wives ago — all of them.” --Stephen Colbert
“It’s been reported that in the upcoming film version of ‘Cats,’ the editors digitally removed the actor’s penis. When asked about it, the actor said, ‘I wish they would’ve done it digitally.’” --Conan O’Brien
“President Trump sent a six page letter to Nancy Pelosi about his impeachment. And this might be the most deranged letter to Santa ever. It is a long, stupid, disingenuous and incoherent defense, signed by an angry gorilla with a Sharpie. I mean, is this a signature or a seizure? This is why you don’t snort Sudafed on an empty stomach.” --Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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