some guy's bank account getting effed in the "B." (It's almost as if it works or something)

Hey. Natural peanut butter. Do you like fun snacks? Well, just pop open a jar of this dried out nut cement topped with three inches of oil, stick a spoon in it, and get to mixing. Natural peanut butter, why do I have to stir you myself? You're already twice as expensive as regular peanut butter, not to mention I have to pay to replace the three spoons I bent in half in the process. And the whole thing made my shoulder tighten up so bad, I had to go back to that masseuse I don't like. Why is he naked? Natural peanut butter, don't be jelly, but you ain't my jam, so now ya burnt! --Seth Meyers

Engagement rings -- who is the genius who came up with investing your nest egg into something that fits in a sink drain? And this thing is supposed to cost three months of my salary? Every "kiss" begins with "K," but every engagement begins with some guy's bank account getting effed in the "B." Oh, he went to Jared? I'll tell you where Jared can go -- straight to hell. Hey, engagement rings, here's a finger for you -- ya burnt!

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”