Somebody owes me an apology (Destroying a country)

I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m. and the sign said sorry we're closed. You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 a.m. and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk in at 10:00 a.m. and say, “Hey man I walked by at 3 a.m. and you guys were closed. Somebody owes me an apology.” --Mitch Hedberg

If you're watching a parade make sure you stand in one spot. Don't follow it, it never changes. If you don't like the parade run in the opposite direction. You will fast forward the parade. --Mitch Hedberg

I got a parrot. The parrot talked but it did not say I'm hungry, so it died. --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”