It's almost as if it works or something (Oh, my balls!)

It was reported today that Martha Stewart will team up with the world's largest legal-marijuana producer to develop a new line of cannabis products. And her next cookbook is just gonna be a bunch of takeout menus stapled together. --Seth Meyers

A food-delivery man was recently arrested after allegedly dipping his testicles into a container of salsa that a customer ordered because he was only tipped 89 cents. Police became suspicious when the man yelled, "Oh, my balls! Oh! Oh, my balls! Oh, I hope someone orders hummus." --Seth Meyers

Lawmakers in North Carolina are considering a bill that would change the standard for a failing grade in public schools from anything less than 59% to anything lower than 39%. Said North Carolina students, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! 39 is less than 59?" --Seth Meyers

Victoria's Secret announced yesterday it will be closing more than 50 of its North American stores this year. "But where will I go when I want new ones?", said Leonardo DiCaprio about his girlfriends. --Seth Meyers

Republican Representative Jim Jordan claimed today that Michael Cohen is only speaking out against President Trump because he is upset he was not given a job in the White House. Because everyone knows that getting a job in the White House can be a solid source of income for weeks. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”