"Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN." –Craig Ferguson
"New Jersey Chris Christie is under fire for calling a politician he doesn't like an 'S.O.B.' Meanwhile, Christie calls a politician he does like a 'B.L.T.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Mitt Romney reminds me of the guy in high school who only has friends because his parents have a swimming pool." –David Letterman
John Hulse painting
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