He was like a president and a Secret Service agent all rolled into one

"Former President Bill Clinton posed for pictures with his arms around two women, both of whom turned out to be famous porn stars. See, this is why we miss Clinton. He was like a president and a Secret Service agent all rolled into one." –Jay Leno



"A Pakistani doctor who helped the CIA hunt for Osama bin Laden has been convicted of high treason in Pakistan. He was sentenced to 33 years in prison for helping us. Think how much worse the sentence would have been if Pakistan wasn't our ally." –Jay Leno



"A new study shows current members of Congress speak at a 10th grade level. When reached for comment, Congressman Eric Cantor said, 'Nuh-uh!'" –Conan O'Brien

John Hulse painting