There were no survivors (P*nis Fish)

After yesterday’s vote approving articles of impeachment President Trump could become the first president to face impeachment while also running for re-election. Because only democrats could figure out a way to lose twice in the same year. --Colin Jost

The Scripps National Spelling Bee has announced a change in next years contest after this years spelling bee ended in an eight way tie. The new change. Knives. --Colin Jost

Harvey Weinstein has reached a $25 Million settlement with the women accusing him of sexual misconduct. But in order to get the money, the women have to grab it out of his bathrobe pocket. --Michael Che

For the first time in the history of Wheel of Fortune, the game show was hosted by Vanna White. There were no survivors. --Michael Che

Thousands of what are being called Penis Fish have washed up on the shore of a California beach. Not only that, one kid said he even found one in his mother’s night stand. --Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just to keep it authentic, they're all child robots

The company that makes products for Apple and Samsung in Asia has reportedly replaced 60,000 factory workers with robots. Just to keep it authentic, they're all child robots. –Jimmy Fallon

The Scripps National Spelling Bee was last night on ESPN. I watched it, and ESPN was the only word all night I knew how to spell. –Jimmy Fallon

One of the winners of this year's national spelling bee has an older brother who won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, "I'm just going to throw these baseball mitts away." –Jimmy Fallon