Unless someone's taping me. Then I'll get caught probably (at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them)

A man in the U.K. saved his pet tortoise by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation — at least that’s what he told his wife when she walked in on them. –Jimmy Fallon

"Toronto Mayor Rob Ford said that he is still sober and he'll never be caught doing anything illegal ever again. Then he said, 'Unless someone's taping me. Then I'll get caught probably.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”