I like to ride bikes to meet women (because anyone who watches it dies in seven days)

October 2020

Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell did not answer questions about bruises and bandages seen on his face and hands, saying there were ‘no concerns.’ By the way “no concerns” is also what McConnell whispers when he sees a baby stroller rolling downhill into oncoming traffic. —Colin Jost

Mattel announced plans for an Elton John themed Barbie doll. Finally, said Ken. —Colin Jost

The ex-wife of singer Phil Collins has allegedly occupied their Miami mansion and hired armed guards to protect it. In the meantime, Collins is staying at a nearby Stu-Stu-Studio apartment. —Michael Che

Residents in Rome are upset after a wild boar and her six piglets were killed on a playground near the Vatican. But it’s like they say, nothing good ever happens on a playground near the Vatican. —Michael Che

German researchers have recorded the shortest interval of time for an event to begin and end. The event finished so quickly scientists have named it, Che. —Colin Jost

Rudy Giuliani is denying he did anything wrong after a controversial scene in the new Borat movie, in which he is alone in a hotel room with a female reporter, puts his hands down his pants and appears to start touching himself. Unfortunately we can’t show you the video, not because it violates standards, but because anyone who watches it dies in seven days. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

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