"Former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty announced that he will seek the Republican presidential nomination. He has a slogan to win over the Republicans: 'Vote for me, I'm not Trump.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Canada may postpone an important political debate because it may conflict with a hockey game. An entire nation is willing to put democracy on hold to watch burly guys smash each other in the face. That is awesome." –Craig Ferguson
"President Obama laid out his plan to reduce the $14 trillion national debt. Unfortunately for Sasha and Malia, it involves selling a lot of Girl Scout cookies." –Jimmy Kimmel
"If you stacked 14 trillion dollar bills on top of each other, the stack would almost definitely fall over and kill everyone in the United States." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Oprah says that the president and first lady will appear on her April 2 show. At the end, she'll be giving them away." –Jimmy Kimmel
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
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