Hmmm, I want to get a little drunk, but I also want pancakes (pulled over by the Coast Guard)

There's a lot of beautiful women in this town. Man it's hard to meet women because they're always looking for men that don’t exist. You always want opposites. A woman told me she wanted an outdoorsy guy who's hilarious. But if you combine the two you would not like it. Rodeo Clown. Other girls are like, I just want a nice guy who will give and give and give and not want sex in return. I actually know this guy. His name is grandpa. --Dave Attell

There's only one drink I hate. Eggnog. How the heck did they think that one up?  Hmmm, I want to get a little drunk, but I also want pancakes. --Dave Attell

Drinking and driving. A lot of people say it’s wrong and I call these people the cops. Sometimes you have no choice. Hey, these kids have got to get to school. --Dave Attell

I’m not proud of this but I have been pulled over for drunk driving. I was really drunk. You know you are really drunk when you get pulled over by the Coast Guard.  --Dave Attell

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”