Hey, you got a lot of cranium accessories (wake up with false hopes)

I like cinnamon rolls, that's why I wish they made like a cinnamon roll incense. Because I don't always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I'd rather light a stick and have my roommates wake up with false hopes. --Mitch Hedberg

I played in a death metal band. People either loved us, or they hated us or they thought we were okay. A lot of death metal bands have intense names like rigor mortis or mortuary or obituary. We weren't that intense. We just went with injured. Later on we changed it to acapella as we were walking out of the pawn shop. --Mitch Hedberg

I was at a bar I was minding my own business and a guy bumped into me. Which is cool but he didn't apologize. He said move, I thought that was rude so I said go to hell then I started to run. He caught up with me. He had a moustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, a pair of sunglasses, his hair was in a ponytail, and he was wearing a hat. He said, “Hey you got a lot of nerve.” I said, “Hey, you got a lot of cranium accessories.” --Mitch Hedberg

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”