I was telling that to my valet, Alejandro, as he was putting the toothpaste on my brush for me

"See, that's the problem in this country. You see, Washington is out of touch with the common people. They have no idea what regular people are doing or thinking on a regular basis. You know, just this morning, I was telling that to my valet, Alejandro, as he was putting the toothpaste on my brush for me." --Jay Leno

"Stock prices are down, major companies are being purchased by the government. It is a bear market and, I have to say, Sarah Palin is just the lady to shoot it for us." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Dow went up 410 points today on Wall Street. You may already know, the government has bailed two huge financial companies out, and today, they strongly hinted that they would bail the rest of them out, at taxpayers' expense. It's all part of a new approach our leaders in the White House and Congress are taking to the economy. It's called socialism." –Jimmy Kimmel



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