Now on to some very, very incredibly
important news tonight: There is a new set of emojis. They’re going to be
released to smartphones in June. This new set will include a hedgehog, a puking
face, a brain, and a merman. I’m not going to lie — the merman emoji is going
to save me a ton of time. –James Corden
On Capitol Hill today, one of the most
dramatic episodes of “The Celebrity Appresident” yet: Republicans in the House
were forced to postpone their vote on healthcare today because they cannot
agree on what the plan should be, so it’s back to the drawing board.
Unfortunately, Trump’s budget for education cut funding for drawing boards, so
there’s no board for them to draw on. –Jimmy Kimmel
The president went all out for this
bill, but hard line Republicans hated it because it offered too many benefits.
Moderate Republicans hated it because it cut too many benefits. Hospitals hate
it because they stand to lose money. Insurance companies hate it because it can
blow up the markets, and voters hated it. Basically the only people who were OK
with the plan were Donald Trump, Paul Ryan, and Chuck Berry. I happen to know
that Chuck would have loved that joke, may he rest in peace. –Jimmy Kimmel
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