"St. Patrick's Day is the fourth biggest drinking day in
America. It's not the biggest. It's right behind New Year's Eve, Fourth of
July, or any Secret Service party." –David Letterman
"Remember evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin? He
vanished for 10 days. He had disappeared and there were a lot of rumors. One
rumor was he had disappeared because he had himself executed." –David
Letterman
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