How was your sleep, Mr. Bond?

"I guess it isn't going well over there. In fact, I heard there's even a shortage of pillows. The shortage is so bad that visitors are being asked to give their pillows to the Olympic athletes, because there's nothing more comforting than waking up in Russia to see a stranger coming at you with a pillow. 'How was your sleep, Mr. Bond?'" –Jimmy Fallon



"The Olympic torch arrived in Sochi yesterday, after going on a four-month relay around the world. That's when you know things are bad – when even the TORCH is putting off going to Russia." –Jimmy Fallon



"Tomorrow night the Olympics begin from Sochi. A lot of people over there say the hotels stink. The problem is there are only three hotels in Sochi. Of course, you have the Ritz Chernobyl. You have the Sheraton Gulag. And really the best one over there, The Two Seasons." –David Letterman